Whisper

I feel like shit. But i will only whisper it to the wind. Wala namang makikinig eh. Kahit ako ayoko na makinig. Kamusta.

Illogical. Wrong. Assumption. Irrational. Pointless. Self-centered.

Now, I need to make a protocol. I am good at making protocols. Please die.. :(

Old wounds

The testament that nothing in the past ever died is when you look back, hold a piece of that past, and weep. Still weep. Or at least, feel what you felt before.

Old wounds. I read the whole thing again and if only some of it were never erased forever, I would have read the original source as well. I read it all again and it made me feel, once more, why I am what I am now.

I think, I inherited that sick Filipino trait. The one that forgets, no matter how painful a wound, as easily as it sets free a sound. Now I remember.

Wishes

I wish I could sing like before - that courage to just take the mic, go centerstage and sing a song I listened to five times the night before. That confidence that no matter what happened, after I reached that high note, I knew everyone loved me. Would I win? I didn't care, I sang my heart out and I knew I deserved it and that's all I needed.

I wish I could write like before. I would close my eyes and words would flow - ideas would sprout, stories will become alive. I miss the times when my imagination was endless. I can create unicorns and superheroes because I did't know yet that, no matter what I do, in real life, they won't exist. I miss not caring about whether the next word I'll type would go well with the other sentences I put here - no grammar, no spell checks. Just pure thoughts on paper.

I wish I could study again like as if I'm playing - that pure, deep love for learning because you don't have to pass; you just want to know. I loved those moments when knowledge was innocent, when skills were just pure fun.

I wish I'm back to not being controlled by my environment, my situation, my duties and responsibilities and just live because I breathe and that's all the license I have to have. I wish that same freedom, without the feeling of loneliness, of sadness, of agonizing wonderment of how things may have gone differently.

I wish I'd stop wishing. I wish I'd stop hating what I led my life into. I need windows - big, giant windows - to see again. I wish I'd stop regretting - that confidence to push through the day and feel like you can conquer it.

Because you don't know yet. You don't know how hard.

I just want someone to ask if i'm okay

i think i'm too selfish. or too deprived thus selfish. or too needy thus too deprived so becoming too selfish. or too giving, but conditionally, making me too needy thus too deprived so becoming too selfish. or too loyal to become too giving, albeit conditionally that made me needy thus too deprived so becoming too selfish.

or too stupid.

i just want anyone to ask if i'm fucking okay. kasi hindi.

Please

Ewan. Siguro masyado lang nga atang malakas ang sense of loyalty at allegiance ko. I can fight for someone or something I'm that attached to. Siguro nga masyado lang malakas.

Masyadong malakas that it hurts when people can't reciprocate it back. Di naman masama humiling di ba? Pero ewan, they say they're there for you but they won't even dare try to understand where you're coming from.

Puro na lang logic. Sawang sawa na ko sa logic. Sawang sawa na ko sa rational. I've been doing it for some time now, bakit, natanggal ba ng rationality na yan lahat ng nararamdaman ko? Puta, nasa tama ka nga, gusto mo namang sumabog.

Let it fall, let it fall, make me cry. Please

Letting go

When we lost trp last year, it was shit. It felt like you had something so nice and you have to throw it off a bridge, no questions asked. And within that feeling, it's really the "no questions asked" part that hurt; it implied no control. Na parang bahala ka na lang sa buhay mo, masaktan ka or whatever, basta mawawala na to sayo.

I wanted to cry so bad that tears won't come out. They were scared to flow like hell. And it pushed me to a state that i'm just internally confused and externally destructive. Na parang, alam mo yun, whatever happened to my peace?

And now, all over again.

Madaling tanggapin na natalo ka eh. Lalu na kung wala ka namang magagawa either way. Or kahit pilitin mong may magawa, walang mangyayari. Tapos na eh. Wala sayo ang remote. Wala sayo ang control. All you can do is watch. And hurt. Fucking hurt.

Madaling tanggapin na natalo ka eh. A defeat does not signify the end of life. Sabi nila it's just really a beginning. But fuck them all. Oo, it's not the end of everything, but it's the end of something. Eh yung something yung gusto ko eh, over and above everything. Tapos wala kang control na matatapos na? Walang preparation, walang buwelo, walang warning, walang kahit ano. Para akong nasnatch-an ng cellphone. Mapapamura sa pagkagulat. Tapos sisigaw ka ng mura ulit para lang makaganti. Hahabulin mo pero di mo mahahabol. Hanggang sa pag pagod ka na, titigil ka, tapos mangyayari yung never ending stare sa kawalan. Yung pipilitin mong habulin ng tingin ang isang bagay na nawala sayo ngayon-ngayon lang. Yung sandamukal na options yung lalabas sa utak mo pero wala kang magagawa. Pwede kang maiyak, magalit, mainis. Pero at the end of it all, uuwi kang talo.

Madaling tanggapin na natalo ka eh. Pero pagkatapos nun? Pag alam mo na? What now? Pwede mo ipaglaban, pwede mo ideny sa sarili mo, pwede ka maging destrcutive, calm, hysterical, violent, o kung anu-ano pa. Pwede kang maging vengeful. But at that moment that it will dawn on you na wala na talaga, malulungkot ka lang. Yung malalim na di mo na alam nasan ka. Pag narealize mong wala na talaga, yun yung mahirap eh. Yung gagawin mo pagkatapos.

2nd defeat since december. By now, dapat may experience na ko sa gagawin at iisipin ko. But it still feels so new, siguro dahil magkaiba nga rin naman.

Pero in fairness sakin, nasulat ko na siya. Finally. Please let me go. Please let go.

Control, go back to my life. Make me the captain of my ship. Take me back.

Yung mabigat na pakiramdam na di mo maalis at di mo matanggal na nararamdaman mo sa tuwing hihinga ka

Sometimes we just stumble into an opportunity, which we will decide to grab and out of it will come all those explanations you seek too much but never really got the chance to get. Realizations.

Suddenly, you understand the who's. You understand the why's. You understand the what's.

And you know, if you're reading this, I'm sure you'll understand nothing. Your mind will be tempted to assume it has an idea, but it doesn't. I think, my writing skills evolved into this capability to be so cryptic, sometimes it backfires and hurts me so much more.

Maraming pagkakataong pinipilit kong maging malungkot para makapagsulat. Pero ngayong malungkot akong talaga, bat hindi ko maisulat?

Kung sa pagsulat, nagiging totoo ang lahat, ibig sabihin bang may pag-asa pang kathang isip lang lahat to? Sana kapag binasa mong mulit ito, kahit gaano kalabo, kahit gaano kawalang direksyon ng sulating to, makuha mong muli, sarili ko mula sa hinaharap, ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Nawala ba? Paano? Please sabihin mo na lang.

I miss my old self back so much. I miss the walls. I miss the invulnerability against other people. If the yellow brick road and the rainbow bridge both lead to solitude, what was all this for?

Just kill me now.

Ptolemy

Not everything revolves around you.

I'm writing because for the first time in my life, I had nothing else to say to people anymore.

I was once good at telling people how I feel. I'm almost very poetic about it. At the same time, I'm a priceless listener as well. I have to be, I only have one ear.

Now, well everyone's damaged. And ewan. Sometimes I just want the people i care for, I listen to, and I give advice to, to ask me if I'm okay. And I will say I am, promise. It's just that no one asks.

And no one listens. fuck.

Selfish ba ko? Or selfish sila for expecting me not to be?

Diversion

My favorite would be watching something funny.

Akala ko dati pagsusulat eh, but I figured that the very sadness I'm trying to get away from is the same thing I end up using to write. So parang torture lang. Ayaw mo na nga maramdaman eh. Tapos pinaramdam mo pa ng paulit-ulit. :))

I know some people who eat. Some play video games. Yung iba nagaaral - probably the best of them all: nalungkot ka nga, productive ka naman.

Or you talk to people who'd listen. Someone who'd give a damn but won't add up to the feelings. Naghahanap ka ng tenga. Tenga lang: hindi kaibigan, kaaway, o kasama. Basta alam mo lang na narinig ka.

But at the most cruel times, nothing beats sleeping - tapos hihilingin mo na lang na mas enlightened ka na pagkagising para alam mo na gagawin or na mas rational ka na or na mawawala na lang yung pakiramdam bast-basta. We get stuck by the prospect of a reset everytime we become sad - we look back and hope it didn't happen. Kaya itutulog na lang. Kunwari panaginip. Mahaba, malungkot, masakit na panaginip.

Minsan kung di ka makatulog: alcohol. Kahit konti lang, yung basta mapagod lang yung mata mo. Para pumikit na siya finally. As long as the eyes can see that the world continues, moves on, does not care that you're hurting and does not take its time to go back: you hurt even more. Pag pumikit na ag mata, susunod sa pagtigil ang utak. Susunod ang sandali. Susunod ang pakiramdam.

At the end of the day, you still end up with the same feelings before the diversion. But diversions are nice breaks.

Now, I'm sad. But I don't want a diversion. I don't want breaks. Especially pag wala kang say sa nangyayari. May gusto ka lang mangyari at kahit paano mo pa gustong may magawa, wala kang effect sa problema.

Para kang diversion: isang break, isang time-out, isang malaking facade.

One year ago

One year ago seemed so far away, but honestly, it feels like yesterday. (just like my blog entries! theri existence was one year ago)

And one year ago, i felt different. I was different. Actions, feelings, words, outlook. Everything. If the past me would see me now, he'd be horrified. Kasi kahit ako naman nagugulat sa sarili ko. It feels like yesterday, and that makes the whole point. Can changes really come this fast?

Sometime I wish my old self back. The walled me. Parang China lang - may great wall. It was very protective and secure. And when everything outside is too chaotic - or hurtful - you just go back inside. AND FUCKING NOT CARE. :))

Pero di ba parang bata ka lang nun. Haha. Now, I hate the times when I miss my old self because I know that this was somehow better. At the same time, at these times, my old self wouldn't be hurting. While the new me, well, at least I still haven't cried.

I miss that talkative person back. The one that outshines everyone with his voice (yes, he's dealf so most of the time he's not really aware, BUT YOU WON'T TAKE THAT FACT INTO CONSIDERATION, trust me. that makes what i just type unnecessary. oh why do you love the unnecessary at these times ryan?), the one that delivers point blank his opinions, and the one that defends, justifies, and tells everyone what he believes whether they get offended or not.

Sounds like a monster. :))

But people once came up to me and thanked me for being brutal. May I just say: PEOPLE ARE AMAZINGLY INCONSISTENT. :))

Deh, rant lang to. Parang kung paano ko namimiss na maging bata kasi walang iniisip. Ganun ko din namimiss maging ako ulit. Kasi walang iisipin.


Potential jobs that are most likely fit for ryan now: Taga-xerox (kasi di masyado nagiisip), taga-xerox sa CJ's Photocopy (kasi hindi nagiisip at all), Philippine politician (hindi capable magisip), or mayamang may-ari ng mundo (di rin nagiisip, gumagastos lang)

walang title para hindi controversial. haha.

(well, multiply and blogger, you guys used to be my oh so very good friends with my opinions and all. ngayong lahat naman nasa facebook na, i guess, not posting this on facebook may reduce harm to me)


Hindi ba nakakahiya para sa isang taga-UP na tumanggap ka na lang ng tumanggap, life is unfair anyway?

Kelan pa tayo nagsettle sa kung anong meron na? I refuse to accept the fact na dahil lang may heirarchy ang profession ko at nakadepende ka talaga sa nasa itaas mo eh hindi ka na magrereklamo. Fuck, kaya maraming naabuso eh. Yan, yang mentality na yan ang isa sa may kasalanan ng paghihirap ng mga Pilipino. Just leave the system be, pero blame the system kung wala kang mablame o kung allowed ka magblame. Kung hindi, leave it be.

Eh di ba kaya nga may student evaluation? So ano yun, pautot lang nila? Kunwari kasali tayo sa decision pero hindi naman talaga kasi kapag nagreklamo ka, imamark ka nila as mareklamo tapos matakot ka kasi doomed na ang medical career mo all your life! Halaaa. Eh di nawalan ng point yung student evaluation kung bawal maging mareklamo, lalu pa kung yung mismong ineevaluate mo ang magsasabi kung amreklamo ka o hindi. Nakakalungkot naman yun.

Ok naman ang reklamo basta nasa tama eh. basta hindi ka nagrereklamo na asul ang langit o berde ang logo ng school mo, ayos lang para sakin ang isang reklamo. Lalu pa kung reklamo yun dahil mapanghi yung room mo samantalang kayo ang unang batch na tinaasan ng tuition matapos ang matagal na matagal na panahon. Ang reason pa nila, improvement ng school pero mapanghi pa rin room mo.

At kung sabog exams mo, masama magreklamo? Kung makapagdemand sila at makapaghussga ng kakayahan mo base sa iilang tanong, parang walang bukas, pero ikaw kapag humiling ka lang na maging reflective sa dapat mong malaman yung exam mo, mareklamo ka na. O kaya pag di makatarungan yung scehdule mo, mareklamo ka na.

Kaya stagnant ang Pilipinas eh. Marami kasing lumulunok lang ng kung ano ang nandyan na. Walang nagsasalita, walang lumalaban sa status quo. WALANG NAGSUSUBOK HUMINGI NG PAGBABAGO.

Parang PGH. Ayan na yan eh, why bother wishing for a better state right? Hell, why even think of fighting for one? Parang classroom o schedule o exam lang.

Di mo ba naisip na the same people asking for status quo are the same people benefiting from the current system?

Kung walang mga mareklamo, walang Katipunan. Kung walang mga mareklamo, walang HUKBALAHAP. At kung walang mga mareklamo, walang People Power.


Oo, pwede rin kasing negative ang pagiging mareklamo. Pero lahat naman ng bagay eh pwedeng negative o positive. Kaya hindi dapat tinitignan ang katangiang iyon ng masyadong masama. Dapat nireregulate, hindi ineeradicate.

Nakakalungkot na ang "life is unfair" dati ng mga taga-UP ay sinusundan ng "let's fight for change" pero ngayon ang sinasabi na lang: "tanggap na lang ng tanggap."

Basta ko ayokong tumanggap lang ng tumanggap. Magiging mareklamo ako kung nasa tama. At least, kahit kaunti, maparating ko man lang na hindi ako natutuwa sa estadong nakikita ko.

Paninindigan

I promised to blog about this. Haha.

Situation: We were with 15 JAPANESE (and 1 Chinese) medical students and we were touring them around Intramuros.

Setting: Fort Santiago

Ryan: "We are now in Fort Santiago. This was once owned by a datu, which was what we call a king back in the Pre-Spanish era. When the Spaniards saw it, they realized its strategic place and made it into a fortress where they imprisoned Chinese pirates and Spanish political prisoners. During the World War II, this was USED BY THE JAPANESE AS A TORTURE CHAMBER."

*blink*blink*

wahaha. benta. pero sabi ko sa sarili ko noon papanindigan ko na. nasabi ko na eh. kaya naman:

Japanese student: "Do you mean Japanese soldiers lived here or they used it?"
Ryan: "They USED it."
Japanese student: "How?"
Ryan: "They used this, the whole intramuros, as their citadel when they conquered the Philippines."

Naisip ko kasi, bakit ko kelangang baguhin ang kasaysayan ng isang lugar para lamang magpasintabi sa ibang lahi. It's not like I'm telling lies or I'm rewriting history. Totoo namang ginahasa at pinagpapapatay nila ang mga kababayan natin noong panahong iyon dahil lang gusto nilang maghari sa buong Asya. Totoo namang sa Fort Santiago nila winasak ang sandamukal na karapatang pantao ng maraming Pilipino. Totoong naging saksi ang Intramuros sa madaming krimen na ginawa nila.

Kung hindi nila alam iyon, pwes kung ano mang nasyonalismo o pagiging makabansa ang meron sila, peke iyon. Kasama ng totoong pagmamahal sa bansa ang paglunok sa dumi at baho nito at pagmamahal dito kahit pa alam mong nakakahiya ito (at kaya nga mapapaisip ka kung may amerikano kayang talagang mahal ang bansa niya? haha. eh di nga nila mahanap ang US sa mapa, kasaysayan pa kaya nila? Alam kaya nilang barumbado manakop at walang habas manapak ng karapatang pantao ang bansa nila?).

Kaya kung tutuusin, bakit ba ko mahihiyang sabihin sa mga hapon na iyon na pinatay at binaboy nila ang aking lahi? Totoo naman. Hindi ka naman nagagalit sa kanila dahil hindi na sila ang kanilang mga ninuno pero dapat, matapang kang pinapaalam na sa lupang tinatayuan nila ay may mga umapak na hapon at nanamantala sa ganda ng Pilipinas.

At dapat matapang kang sabihin (at ipaglaban) na sa lupang iyon, may namatay kang kababayan, na walang ginawang kasalanan kundi ang mabuhay sa isang bansang pinagsamantalahan ng mga dayuhan.

------

At timely rin pala ang realization na to. Oo na wala nang kwenta ang kapulisan ng bansang to. Pati media walang habas sa paghahabol ng rating kaya kahit nakakasagabal sila ay sige pa rin. Oo na di na kami safe.

Pero matapos nito, hindi ako naapektuhan. Naisip kong nakakalungkot ang buong pangyayari na sana hindi na lang siya nangyari. Ngunit dahil tapos na, inisip ko na lang na at least nakita na ng lahat ngayon ang matagal nang isinisigaw ng taong bayan - WALA NA PO KASING KWENTA ANG MGA PULIS NGAYON. Kaya nga nagtataka ako na nagtataka sila noon ilang taon na ang nakaraan sa isang survey kung bakit walang tiwala ang mga Pilipino sa mga pulis natin. Kelangan pa ba talaga ng isang mahabang hostage drama para magising ang mga nasa taas sa tunay na sitwasyong ng mga tagapagtanggol natin?

Naisip ko rin na mas lalu nga nating dapat mahalin ang bansa natin eh. Kung mapapansin mo kasi, wala naman talaga tayong kakampi sa international scene. Imbes na ikahiya mo ang 'sang kapulisan, mas tamang aksyon naman ata na isulong mong magkaroon ng pagbabago dito. Sa huli, wala naman kakampi sa atin kung hindi tayo-tayo lang rin.

Mahal ko ang bansang 'to, kahit alam kong wala ni isang lugar nito ang walang problema. At sa puntong ito, tingin ko, totoong pagmamahal ang mayroon ako. :)

Shet

Ang masakit lagi ay kapag narealize mo na kung bakit may mali, bakit may hindi tumutugma sa dapat mangyari, at bakit parang nauuwi sa kawalang saysay mo ang mga bagay-bagay.

And then the only thing that probably answers the question hurts so much because it's so true.

I feel stuck right now. Not struggling. Just plain stuck. Yung tipong pagod na gumalaw. Nakakapagod na lahat eh. Sobra.

The moment I let go and finally walk and traverse a path is the moment i would be able to breathe one more time. Sa ngayon, ayan. Napapagod lang ako. Kakaisip. Kakahalukay sa isip ko bakit, paano, at kung dapat ba.

Shet. Shet.

Pasensya ka na kung wala kang magegets sa binabas mo, pero ganun naman di ba? Kapag di na kaya ng loob mo, dapat pinapalaya na lang. Para muling makahinga. At muling makapag-isip. Emotions are never good for the brain. They're not very good for blogging either. haha.

Namiss ko magblog. Pero kahit ito, nakakapagod na. Sana di dumating ang araw na di na makakakita ng kahit isang titik ang blog na to. Haha.

Back to BDI

For Presidential Spokesman Olivar: Arroyo is indecent, too. (Election Bitterness Post 10)

The problem with the palace is that they are always hypocritical.

In response to this news article: http://ph.news.yahoo.com/gma/20100515/tph-palace-reminds-aquino-60-did-not-vot-d6cd5cf.html

Saying that Aquino's snubbing of the administration's "efforts," especially that of refusing to swear in as president under Justice Corona is, yes, in a manner, legal but somehow disrespectful politically and culturally. But Olivar forgets that the very appointment of a new Chief Justice days after the elections and in a situation wherein the current Chief Justice is only retiring at a much much later date - ignoring the very tradition that the new president can appoint the new Chief Justice and that a smoother transition of government could have actually proceeded without the appointment - is also in itself, legal, but politically and culturally indecent as it created more barrier to the transition (being it is such a weird and unnecessary move from the president).

I don't trust Arroyo, sorry. And if I were Aquino, too, I'd really rather be sworn in by someone else and be extra careful of the "moves" the power-hungry Arroyo is doing in her last days as President. (Yes. Last days. Kasi baka sa susunod as Prime Minister na. hahaha)

On Corruption: I will not vote for Noynoy 1 (Election Bitterness Post 9)

Naniniwala akong ang kawalan ng nagawa habang naka-upo sa pwesto ay isa ring uri ng korupsyon.

Dahil kung nakaupo ka sa isang posisyong binabayaran ng taong-bayan at hindi mo halos nagagampanan ang mga tungkulin mo dito ng buong-buo, eh di para ka na rin talagang kumukuha lang ng pera sa kaban ng bayan (i.e. yung sweldo mo) at ginagasta ito ng walang binabalik na kahit ano sa pinanggalingan nito.

Ang pinakaibig-sabihin ng korupsyon ay iyong paggasta ng pera ng taong bayan upang magamit sa mga pansariling interes. Kung tutuusin, kumuha ka lang ng maraming ballpen sa isang opisina ng pamahalaan upang iuwi sa iyong mga anak at magamit nila sa eskuwela ay isa nang mababang uri ng korupsyon - dahil ang ginamit pambili ng mga iyon ay buwis ng mamamayan at kinuha mo lang ito ng walang kapalit. Lalu pa naman marahil ang kumuha ka ng sweldo sa mga mamamayan pero ikaw mismo, wala kang ginagawa at hindi mo ganap na natugunan ang tungkulin mo bilang mambabatas. Eh di halos katumbas nun ang pagnanakaw - yun nga lang sa ganoong paraan, legal kang kumukuha ng pera sa taong bayan pero wala kang binabalik na kapalit nito.

Hindi kasi patas na ipangako niya sa iyong walang korupsyon samantalang ang mismong kawalan niya ng nagawa ay maaaring repleksyon ng isang mababang uri nito.

Given the benefit of the doubt, however, it will be good if he really can stay clean and not corrupt for the whole six years of his term. He may serve as a valiant inspiration, yes.

But does he have enough political will to persecute those people who will commit corruption?

Why GORDON SHOULD BE President 1 (Election Bitterness Post 8)

Seriously, i almost decided not to vote for him too "kasi nga hindi siya mananalo."

Pero yun yung problema eh. Either you are not voting for Gordon because you're voting for noynoy because you're emotionally attached to Cory or because you don't want Villar to win. And yes, if you're voting for either Villar or Gibo, you have to analyze character more (or analyze your sanity for that matter) for the former and analyze politics a little bit more for the latter. These two simply don't deserve it.

And yet, the only one who seems to be genuinely concerned - and by this have a clear platform and STAND on what he's gonna do - for our country is left to be, well, not voted because he would not win anyway.

There is something seriously flawed with that reasoning.

I will NOT VOTE for him because he will not win.

Isn't the mere act of not voting for someone the CAUSE of why he will lose? Then, how, for pete's sake, can you make that a reason for not voting. Are we now this stupid to not realize it's a paradox and more so be trapped by it??

I vote for the person who I know would do something when he's in that palace. I vote for the person not vowing to stop poverty but laying out platforms and concrete moves on how to do so. I vote not for the person who presents me with only a surname as his mere justification for winning but for the one who presents me with his vision.

My choice remains this. I don't care if my countrymen chooses otherwise. If they do, that just means they remain in the dark.

I refuse to not vote for change.

I don't care who wins.

What I care about is whether my vote is right or not.

I will vote for CHANGE. Sana kaya mo rin yun gawin. :)

Ramdam Ang Kaunlaran (Election Bitterness Post 7)

Do you remember what you felt when you saw the "Ramdam ang Kaunlaran" poster of GMA? Ako ang alam ko nagalit ako. Yung tipo ng galit na sobrang lalim na hindi ako nakagalaw at halos wala na kong naramdaman.

Sa medicine, mas masakit ang acute pain kesa sa chronic pain dahil kapag chronic na, nakapag-adapt na yung katawan mo, kahit papano.

Kung ito ang dahilan kung bakit mas nakakaya na natin ngayon lunukin ang kabalahuraang ginagawa satin, maiintindihan ko. Kaso kapag ba sobrang tagal na rin nating iniinda, patas bang hindi na natin hilinging makalaya mula dito?

Nakakatawa lang kasi may mga tao na nagsasabi sa youtube dati at sa iba pang site na kaya daw ang baba ng tingin satin ng ibang bansa ay dahil ang palaging favorite topic ng indie films, etc. ay yung kahirapan ng bansa. kaya daw third world na third world tayo.

Una, yun kasi talaga ang silbi ng isang pelikula. Magpadala ng mensahe sa manonood at hindi para pakiligin ka o patigasin ang isang parte ng katawan mo.

Pangalawa, sige nga, kung hindi natin sasabihin na naghihirap tayo, anong sasabihin natin? Ramdam ang Kaunlaran?? "Ramdam ang Kaunlaran" ladies and gentlemen. Ramdam na ramdam. Look around, tapos isigaw mo yan.

Tiyak, may sasaksak sayo. Kung wala, hintayin mo ko, i'm coming!

Oh eto, to drive the point:





Please vote wisely. Please.

Kunwari, isipin mo, matindi na climate change tapos pwedeng anytime, malay mo, maletse na ang earth at sirain niya na bansa natin. This may just be the last elections we're gonna have. Tapos hindi ka pa boboto? More so, hindi ka pa boboto ng tama?

Pag sinabi kong random post number 10 to babasahin mo. Hahaha.

I am seriously disturbed by the power my random posts attained. Nakakatakot na. The posts are becoming a source of new rumors at akalain mong maraming may gusto magbasa ng random posts??

Sorry. I'm killing all of them. (except one. :P)

Ayoko na maging source ng chika. Pasensya na sa lahat ng kailangangan ko hingan ng pasensya. Well, hindi ko rin naman alam bakit ko kayo kelangan hingan ng pasenysa, pero just in case. :P

Pero bago yun:

Feeling niyo kasing lahat naiintindihan niyo ang mga random posts ko. HINDI KASI. kahit anong isulat ko, kahit sabihin ko pa sa inyo na tama o mali yung feeling niyo tinutukoy ko (pwede ko ngang imbentuhin to eh. hahaha. yikee. hindi niya alam alin dun fake. wahahaha.), hindi niyo pa rin magegets. Hindi ko lang naman kasi tinatago yung pangalan sa inyo.

I hide the WHOLE situation. hello, walang nga backgrounder yung random posts ko, how are you so sure we are on the same page? (may exceptions na entries, yung mga nauna ata) Ang laman lang naman niya emotions. yun lang yun.

And these are all immaturities put into writing. Haha. Oo, ganun ako katapang magsulat pati immaturities ko nilalagay ko sa blog ko, pakelam mo? Hindi kasi ako mahilig sa poem katulad ni Cons o sa witty essays kagaya ni KB. Tapos pinagaaralan ko pa ang witty writing para maging nakakatawa ang commentaries ko on politics (but with med in the midst, pano ko naman magagawa to??). Kaya ayan.

Tsaka ayoko na kaya masabihan na: "Oh ryan baka iblog mo na naman to!"

Please. feeling kayo. hahaha. yikee feeling important kala mo naman ibablog kita. hahahaha.

I guess it's really true what i read somewhere that the reason Teledramas that have exhilirating confrontation scenes between the protagonists and the antagonists are a big hit to Filipinos is because it is the manifestation of what we are always afraid to do: CONFRONT people.

Kaya naeeskandalo lahat ng tao sa mga post ko kasi it is a way to confront someone. (or something depende kung totoong entity yung inaaway ko o imbento ko lang. wahaha.) I guess I'm a scaredy cat that way, too, since I only confront people indirectly, via these blog posts.

Oh kaya tama na ang kaduwagan. Harapin na ang mga problema at ang mga masasamang loob. UP fight (ano daw? waha. ang labo. :P)!!!!!

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Oh ayan. Puro na lang politics ibablog ko ha. haha. ayan mabore ka na! mabore ka na! hahahaha.

Ryan wins!!! (Lau loses.)

[21:47] xair7890: tim!
[21:47] xair7890: sumagot ka!!
[21:47] xair7890: hahahahaha
[21:47] Lau Lukban: may mga timer sa internet
[21:47] Lau Lukban: hahahah
[21:47] Lau Lukban: diba?
[21:48] xair7890: tim?
[21:48] xair7890: dyan ka pa?
[21:48] xair7890: lau panget!!!
[21:48] Lau Lukban: bakit ako panget?
[21:48] Lau Lukban:
[21:48] xair7890: summoning chant yun
[21:48] xair7890: hahahahaha
[21:48] Lau Lukban: loser
[21:48] Lau Lukban: ka
[21:48] xair7890: tim!
[21:49] xair7890: i call you!
[21:49] xair7890: lau panget!!
[21:49] xair7890: waaah
[21:49] xair7890: ayaw niya sumagot
[21:49] xair7890: hahaha
[21:49] Lau Lukban: RYAN PANGET
[21:49] xair7890: sige!
[21:49] xair7890: game tayo
[21:49] xair7890: hahaha
[21:49] xair7890: tingnan natin kanino sasagot si tim
[21:49] xair7890: hahahaha
[21:49] xair7890: lau panget!!
[21:49] Meebo Message: Could not IM buddy
[21:49] Meebo Message: Could not IM buddy
[21:49] Lau Lukban: sasagot yan
[21:50] Lau Lukban: ryan panget
[21:50] xair7890: oh wala
[21:50] xair7890: ako naman
[21:50] xair7890: lau panget!!!
[21:50] Lau Lukban: oh wala uli
[21:50] jay magbojos: baka naman nagttime na sya ng self nya now
[21:50] Lau Lukban: RYAN SOBRANG PANGET
[21:50] jay magbojos: at busy sya
[21:50] xair7890: haha
[21:50] Lau Lukban: ...
[21:51] xair7890: hindi
[21:51] xair7890: mananalo ako!
[21:51] xair7890: ako naman
[21:51] Lau Lukban: fail tayo
[21:51] xair7890: Lau is UGLY!
[21:51] Timothy Reynold Lim: kaya cya within 7
[21:51] jay magbojos: haha grabe ang benta nyong dalawa kahit antok na antok yung utak ko hahaha
[21:51] Lau Lukban: DANGNAMIT
[21:51] Timothy Reynold Lim: like 6:50
[21:51] xair7890: PANALO AKO!!!!!!!
[21:51] xair7890: YEY!!!!!!!!!
[21:51] xair7890: YEY!!!!!!

random number 9

RULE: bawal magcomment sa random posts ko. beh. ang magcocomment panget. at may tae sa pwet. at may putok. tsaka buhok sa leeg. ewww.

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Alam ko Easter. Pero shet naman kasi hindi ko naman kasalanan (or sige na kasalanan ko na!) na naspike na naman galit ko eh. sorry talaga. ginagawa ko na nga to para malabas ko na tapos i will try my best to forget it after. Pramis. Ilalabas ko lang talaga. Please forgive me.

Tarantado kasi yung mga katulad mo eh. Nagagalit ako para sa kanya na hindi niyo naman naiintindihan AT ALL. Sa kanya ko nakita kung anong epekto ng pang-iissue and I was so damn sad na ginagawa ko siya dati. I promise I will try to change and be not like you anymore.

Ikaw? Kelan mo balak?

Just so we're clear, the next time you do it again, this will not be a random post. I will valiantly put your name here.

Punyeta kang IBON ka. Hindi maganda maidudulot ng pinost mo. And dami ko na namang kelangang gawin to fix things. Pwede ba?? napapagod na ko.

Sige. Tingnan natin kung mafifigure out mong ikaw to. Pasalamat ka Easter ngayon. Dapat mas matinding mura yan eh tapos bold, italicize, underline pa.


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Ayan. Nalabas ko na. Kakalimutan ko na pramis. Tapos papatawarin ko na rin. Pramis.

Hay life. Ang hirap maging Kristiyano.

I'm sorry... :(