at dahil nangako ako kay God

babalik na ko sa pagsulat. pero this time, susubukan kong maging masaya naman yung mga fiction stories ko. (except the latest one, nasimula ko na kasi yun, way before eh!)

at nagcacast kami ni shayne para sa play ng SK. nakakatuliro. (i got the part that i loved though so okay lang). Nood kayo ah: INTIMATE THEATER 2007 ng maSKara!


at excited na ko sa bagong version ng blogger, pero ayaw niya pa kong ipagswitch. :( lumipat na nga ako eh! bad blogger!

merry xmas sa lahat ng nagbabasa ng blog na to!

i'm officially back inside the snake pit!

To YOU:

i lied.

medyo lang pero nakonsiyensya ako eh.

nagalit ako sa sinabi mo. as in galit na galit na gusto ko na sanang maiyak at nagbuhos talaga ako ng sama ng loob kay Cheska. na-offend ako sa sinabi mo. di ko na alam kung bakit at ayaw ko nang basahin pa ulit yung sinulat mo. basta. ayun. nagalit ako, hindi sayo, pero sa sinabi mo.

at nagsinungaling ako sa pagsabing ang yearbook article ko ang dahilan ng hindi ko pagreply sayo. hindi yun totoo. galit pa ko sa sinabi mo nun kaya hindi ako nagrereply kahit sa tagboard man lang.

at nagsinungaling ako kasi kachat kita. somehow, i don't want to tell you directly.

kahit ngayon naman, galit pa rin ako eh.

pero hindi na siguro sa sinabi mo. mas galit na siguro ako sa SARILI ko. kasi napagtanto ko na parang ang sama na talaga ng dating ng blog ko. parang ang dumi-dumi na niya. tapos lahat ng dumi galing sa kin. parang ang panget-panget na niya. tapos wala akong ginagawa para mabago yun. parang ang baho-baho na ng bunganga ko.

nagalit lang siguro ako kasi pinahiya ako ng sinabi mo sa sarili kong blog at kahit dun sa xientian mismo.

ayun. at sa sinabi mong: "the right to say what you think comes with some responsibility, and I just wish you'd exercised more carefulness in doing so.", gusto ko lang sabihin na inaamin kong hindi ako nagiingat sa mga sinasabi ko. pero lahat naman yun pinaninindigan ko. kaya nga ako nagpart 2 dun sa blog entry ko di ba. kasi gusto kong mas nililinaw yung sinasabi ko. naninindigan lang naman ako. at kaya nga nung sa tingin niyo eh naging mayabang na ako, tinago ko na yung dalawang entries. para lang hindi na maging mayabang at para subukang itama ang sinasabi mong maling nagawa ko.

may isa kang tanong dun sa email mo sakin na sa tingin ko may karapatan kang malaman ang sagot: "Tell me how I offended you. Is it when I told you to stop? Or is it when I told you that the entry wasn't in very good taste?"

pareho.

pero napagtanto ko nang hindi mo naman din kasalanan eh. kagaya nga ng sinabi mo: nagyabang ako. kaya ayan. sinubukan ko nang ayusin.

at oo, habang kachat kita, bawat "haha" ko sayo hindi totoo. kasi hindi talaga ako masaya sa nangyari. nasaktan lang talaga ako n sobra. pakiramdam ko natalo ako sa sarili kong blog.

hindi ako nagalit sayo. yun totoo yun. nagalit ako sa sinabi mo.

hindi mo lang kasi talaga alam kung anong pakiramdam ng maging tanging tao sa pamilya na naging taga-pisay. mahirap idefend ang skul mo kapaga tatlong kapatid mo ang magtutulong-tulong para kalabanin ka. hindi mo alam kung paano nila ako kinalaban sa comment nung xientian na yun. kaya hindi mo alam kung bakit sobrang violent ko magreact.

yun hindi mo yun kasalanan.

at oo, hindi na ako halos magboblog. mas okay na din yun. para mas kaunting tao ang maapektuhan ng mga sinasabi ko.

**sana lang matagal mo bago madiskubre ang entries sa blog na to. o kung pwede, sana rin hindi na. sori kung medyo nagsinungaling ako. hindi naman talaga ako nagalit sayo eh. sa sinabi mo lang.

11344 hits

...last time i checked. waw. ang dami nun ah. and for two years of blogging through tabulas, it's not that bad (5672 hits per year, 15 hits per day!). hehe. i would miss it so much.

i would not ultimately stop blogging. i would once in a while. but not that often i guess. (or maybe i would be back if ever i feel like it again). but right now, i really don't.

especially when i found out that my opinions, when exposed for the whole world wide web to see, may start a nuclear war.

so what the hell, dani gave me a new notebook that i could might as well use for my opinions. the hell with blogs. the hell with xientians.

and i would not go back to tabulas for the time being (aww.. 11344 hits!).

wishlist

i was going to create a christmas wishlist just like what i did last year because I got envious of other people's blogs that featured their owner's long list of wishes. But then again i never really exert any effort whatsoever to attain those wishes.

i mean, even though they're wishes, they really won't come true unless you make them come true or unless the fate decides to help. santa clause has long been disproved, you know. so the hell with wishes.

christmas is not about wishlists, anyway.

tabulas ban

people are stupid, don't realize what the word "opinion" means, and i hate them.

this starts my tabulas ban. i hate it now.

i love you snake pit. :D

AND i am now going to imitate garrick's blog. (hehe..)

no comments. no tagboards.

just me, my opinions. nothing else.

kung may gusto kang sabihin, dun ka sa blog mo.

salamat. :)

Cheska: reaciton MO yun
Cheska: *reaction
Cheska: pagdedefend dahil nasaktan ka
Cheska: paano mapapalala ang sitwasyon kung ang ginawa mo lang naman ay lumaban dahil naargabyado ka at eskwelahan mo?
Cheska: WALANG masama dun. kaya nga hindi umunlad unlad Pilipinas eh
Cheska: marami kasing duwag
Cheska: maraming hindi tumulad sayo na papalag pag nasaktan
Cheska: kaya wag kang mapiss off dahil hindi ka natalo sa sarili mong blog
Cheska: hindi ka ever matatalo sa sarili mong blog dahil IKAW yun
Cheska: yun ka. at kung anuman ang sabihin ng ibang tao, hindi ka na makikielam dahil hindi mo responsibilidad na magbago para sa kanila

To my SISTER

Ate Rhea, tantanan mo na ang pagbabasa ng blog ko. Wala kang mapupulot na secret dito. It's either rantings about school or fictional stories/essays/poems lang ang nakalagay dito. Hindi mo matutuklasan ang crush ko o kung ano mang gusto mong malaman kapag binasa mo ang blog ko. Haha. Kaya wag mo nang pagaksayahan ng oras tong blog ko. mag-friendster ka na lang! mas masaya yun!

haha. deh. ang tunay na saysay ng post na ito ay hindi lang para sabihin sa ate ko na wag nang basahin ang blog ko (ang daya, di naman siya nagboblog kaya wala akong mabasa! hmph!), gusto ko lang gumawa ng part 2 nung blogentry ko para kay "sumone you don't know"

To "sum1 you don't know":

fine. tama ang ate ko. (na former xientian, btw, so i got a comment from a xientian's point of view) medyo may pagka-offensive nga naman na sabihin na mas malinis ang isang skul kesa sa skul niyo (though hindi ko pa rin gets kung anong offensive dun eh kung ako yun di naman ako ma-ooffend).

Pero sige na, kung ako naman ang taga-quesci, magrereact din ako dun sa sinabi nung PS sa blog entry na yun.

Pero hindi kasing degrading ng pagcomment mo.

tama ang ate ko na hindi ako dapat naglagay ng ganun. kasi kung tutuusin naman, may reason ang quesci kung bakit siya madumi. kesyo konti ang suporta from the government (which is true considering na Regional Science High School sila), mahirap linisin yung place kasi katabi ng kalsada o kung anuman ang dahilan niyo kung bakit madumi yung skul niyo in some ways, the point is yun yung topic ng PS ko.

kung pisay yung pinunterya ng isang blog entry at sinabing madumi ang pisay blah blah whatever, magrereact din ako. sasabihin ko ang mga dahilan kung bakit dapat intindihin na mahirap linisin ang skul namin o kaya magbibigay ako ng examples ng efforts namin para malinis yung skul namin.

Ang point ko lang, hindi ako lalayo dun sa topic. Ang topic ng PS comment ko na yun ay tungkol sa kalinisan ng skul mo. Wala ng iba pa.

Kung dun ka nagcomment, nagbigay ng dahilan, kahit violent pa yun or whatever, magsosorry pa ko sayo.

Pero hindi eh. sinamahan mo ng ibang topic. tinira mo yung skul ko sa isang aspect kung sa'n hindi ko naman tinitira yung skul mo.

bakit, sinabi ko ba na ang bano niyo pagdating sa academics dahil lagi namin kayong talo? sinabi ko ba na first yung representatives namin sa pisikaalaman samantalang kayo second lang? sinabi ko bang sobrang konti lang ng mga contest na napapanalunan niyo kumpara samin?

wala akong sinabing kahit ano bukod sa mas malinis yung campus ng carlos albert kesa sa campus niyo

kaya wala kang karapatang magyabang.

isa pa, blog ko naman to eh. kaya obvious ba na opinions ko ang mga nakasulat dito??!

at oo, pinaninindigan ko na mas malinis yung campus ng caros albert kesa sa inyo. yun lang ang sinabi ko kelangan mo nang magyabang?

eh di kabilang ka pala sa mga mabababang uri ng tao na hindi kayang tumanggap ng mga comment at tinitira ang mga tao sa aspeto kung sa'n alam mong masasaktan sila.

sorry dahil sinabi kong mas malinis ang campus ng carlos albert kesa sa campus niyo (see!? hindi ko sinabing madumi ang campus niyo eh! kinompare ko lang sa iba!).

nagsosorry ako kasi tama ang ate ko na may reasons kung bakit madumi ang skul niyo.

pero ang kapal pa rin ng mukha mo para magbigay ng isang mayabang na comment.

SINO KA para isiping mas magaling ka kesa samin eh pare-parehas lang naman tayong tao?!

Gud lak sa inyo sa nationals.

to "sum1 u don't know"

who had the guts to post a comment on one of my blog entries: http://www.tabulas.com/~revolutionofnayr/1320372.html#comment

ANG KAPAL NG MUKHA MO.

Your comment didn't really bother me at all. Naiinis lang ako kasi pinagdiinan mo. Natalo ako nung araw na yun. as in yung tipong in your face na pagkatalo kasi gusto ko talaga yung article na sinulat ko. As in. It was probably one of those articles that I actually liked. Yung mga articles ko dati na nanalo, hindi ko masyadong nagustuhan yung pagkasulat. Pero yung article ko na yun, sobrang nagustuhan ko.

for the first time, inexpect kong manalo.

pero hindi eh. di binigay ni God. kaya ang sakit. kasi kung kelan ko gustong manalo, tsaka hindi nangyari.

Oo, 18 points lang kami. pero yung 18 points na un pinaghirapan. sukdulang hindi kami magperio para lang makasali sa contests. sukdulang mamiss namin lahat ng long exams namin para lang makasali. sukdulang bumaba grades namin.

kasi may passion kami sa kung ano mang ginagawa namin para sa journ.

oo, hindi na kami kasing galing niyo kasi naka 69 points kayo. pero wag kang mayabang dahil wala kang karapatang maging.

kung sisimulan namin ang pagmamayabang (gaya ng pagpost ng tarpauline ng mga contest na napanalunan ng mga estudyante sa skul namin, katulad ng ginawa nyo) baka mapuno ang pisay at magmukha pa kaming nagbebenta ng posters. weekly may napapanalunan ang pisay na contest. kaya wag na lang.

pointless ang post na 'to, alam ko. pero nasaktan lang talaga ako sa hulin linya ng comment mo. tanggap ko naman na natalo ako. ang sakit lang kasi talaga dahil nun lang ako nagexpect. di mo na lang sana pinagdiinan. o kaya sana nagcomment ka na lang sa ibang post na may kinalaman sa ibang press con. hindi sa post na yon. kasi masakit sakin nung tinatype ko yun. kasi nandun yun expectation tapos nauwi sa wala. kasi gusto ko talaga yung article ko.

sa dinamidami ng posts ko, bakit dun ka pa nagcomment. nauwi pa tuloy sa ganito.

oo, mas malinis at mas malaki yung campus ng Carlos Albert HS kesa sa campus mo. ang kapal mo naman mag-assume na malinis ang campus niyo eh hindi naman. lalu namang hindi malaki ang campus niyo. wag ka na dahil tatlong kapatid ko na ang nag-aral sa Quesci. nakita ko na lahat ng baho ng eskuwelahan na yan. mas kilala ko pa nga yan kesa sa sarili kong skul eh. at paninindigan ko ang sinabi ko.

oo, nasa puder niyo ko nung panahon na nagcomment ka (november 27 yun). Pero hindi ko gusto yun. at hindi naman porke't nasa puder niyo ko ng mga panahong iyon eh wala na kong karapatan na magbigay ng masamang comment o laitin ang eskuwelahan niyo dahil blog ko to at karapatan kong sabihin ang kahit ano dito. at malaya ang bansa natin kaya sino ka para pigilan ako na magsalita laban sa eskuwelahan mo.

oo, hindi nga yata kita kilala. at ayoko na ring makilala ka.

Tandaan mo, hanggang Electron lang ang alam niyo. Science Scholar kami.

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.

I know I would. :P

Rob! sabi ko sayo act 2 na lang ako ng Julius Ceasar eh! Di pa ko umaabot sa Act 3! Grr. Soliloquy lang ni Mark Anthony ang alam ko sa Act 3. At lalo namang wala akong kahit anong alam sa Act 4 at 5. waw. mapipilitan tuloy akong magbasa. kaw talaga. :P

My life is pretty much pathetic right now. I can't resist computer games. (must... play...) And everytime I start reading, I fall asleep after two minutes. So how the hell would I be able to cope up with so much thing to do? Hay. And there's no more drive. Nothing. Just requirements. I'm starting to hate what I do.

That's why I need the Christmas vacation. You now, to wear out the negative marginal utility I have. I want to actually miss being in school before I can go back to my study habits because right now, my body just resist everything Pisay is trying to tell me to do. And I mean EVERYTHING. Even with the threat of losing my precious 1.47 average. Seriously, I need the xmas break. But no.

I have the numerous Yearbook writeups. I have "Of mice and men", "Les Miserbles", and "Magnda pa ang umaga". I have numerous palancas to write.

O sige nga. Kahit nga ata 2 months, hindi ko pa tapos lahat iyan eh.

I want to cry now. Really. :(

Sige na. As if naman kasing mawawala yang mga yan kapag sinumbong ko sila sa blog ko. Fine.

This post is pointless.

But when the noble Ceasar saw him stab, ingratiude, more strong than traitors arms, quite vanquished him, then burst his mighty heart.

Found this.

I actually used this as my Ateneo Application Essay. Hehe. And I only read it again just now. I liked it so I'm posting it. Hehe.

Not Just An Ordinary BirthdayRyan Magtibay

It was totally unexpected. I never really thought it would happen to me. I thought of doing it to someone but never really the other way around. After all, what they did was pretty much a cliché already; you would see the same thing a lot in movies and television shows. But never, in my entire life, had I thought that someday, I would be that special.
Way back, before it happened, I knew who I was or, rather, I knew that I didn’t know who I was. I knew that I was in constant search of who I was as a person. Yes, the same old process that every teenager pass through. But I guess it was different with me. I wanted more than just knowing who I was. I wanted a mark. I wanted a distinction. I wanted a definition. I wanted something that would not just tell people who I was, but would also make me standout. I expected that God gave me something that would make me more of a person than any one else. And I guess I expected too much.
I wanted to know who I was, but deep inside me I was scared that maybe I wasn’t that great. I was afraid that the real me – the one I’m looking for – would just be another ordinary face in the street. This was why I kept on trying to make something significant or achieve something great that people would start to label me after it. In the end, all I really wanted was not to end up in the list of ordinary people that lived in this world.
I went from happily searching to desperate to depressed. As I look back now, I guess it was pretty normal for me to feel that way. After all, I was in an identity crisis and every one, in many ways, pass through the same stages of life. It was part of growing up. But the depression inside me stayed. The sadness continued to devour my being. I just felt so heart-broken that I don’t like who I was. The feeling stayed with me and no one knows about it. It was then that they came into the picture.
I never really thought that birthdays are fun. I always thought that they are only to remind you that you’re growing older and to give you reason to demand for gifts from your friends. Birthdays are just like every other day, only that they make you special. And that would be exactly what I felt when I heard that loudest birthday greeting I’ve ever heard.
I was walking with my friend that afternoon and we were talking about almost anything. It was a cell phone call that made us stop. After which, she took me the cafeteria, where I was supposed to treat her anything. After all, according to her, it was my birthday. She continued walking around the cafeteria. I was unconsciously following her, baffled at what she was doing. She stopped in a corner and turned to me. That was when everyone else suddenly showed up and simultaneously shouted “Happy Birthday!” and one of them was even carrying a big chocolate birthday cake.
It happened in the cafeteria, in front of practically almost the whole school. But at that moment, I didn’t notice that. All I knew was that in front of me are almost more than 40 people who had just made me feel that, hey, they love and have always been there for me and for them, I’m not just an ordinary person. I am a friend. And for that, I’m special.
The identity crisis ended there. Somehow, those people reminded me that I don’t need a mark. I don’t need distinction. I don’t definition. All I really needed to know was that I can do something great someday and that I have friends to help me in the process. God, after all, did give me something that would make me feel more of a person than any one else.
Right now, because of that birthday surprise, I’m contented with the fact that I have talents and accomplishments and that I have the determination to do what I want to do. Who I am or will be is still in the works. But right now, I’m just another ordinary person that has friends who make me glow in a crowd.