Diversion

My favorite would be watching something funny.

Akala ko dati pagsusulat eh, but I figured that the very sadness I'm trying to get away from is the same thing I end up using to write. So parang torture lang. Ayaw mo na nga maramdaman eh. Tapos pinaramdam mo pa ng paulit-ulit. :))

I know some people who eat. Some play video games. Yung iba nagaaral - probably the best of them all: nalungkot ka nga, productive ka naman.

Or you talk to people who'd listen. Someone who'd give a damn but won't add up to the feelings. Naghahanap ka ng tenga. Tenga lang: hindi kaibigan, kaaway, o kasama. Basta alam mo lang na narinig ka.

But at the most cruel times, nothing beats sleeping - tapos hihilingin mo na lang na mas enlightened ka na pagkagising para alam mo na gagawin or na mas rational ka na or na mawawala na lang yung pakiramdam bast-basta. We get stuck by the prospect of a reset everytime we become sad - we look back and hope it didn't happen. Kaya itutulog na lang. Kunwari panaginip. Mahaba, malungkot, masakit na panaginip.

Minsan kung di ka makatulog: alcohol. Kahit konti lang, yung basta mapagod lang yung mata mo. Para pumikit na siya finally. As long as the eyes can see that the world continues, moves on, does not care that you're hurting and does not take its time to go back: you hurt even more. Pag pumikit na ag mata, susunod sa pagtigil ang utak. Susunod ang sandali. Susunod ang pakiramdam.

At the end of the day, you still end up with the same feelings before the diversion. But diversions are nice breaks.

Now, I'm sad. But I don't want a diversion. I don't want breaks. Especially pag wala kang say sa nangyayari. May gusto ka lang mangyari at kahit paano mo pa gustong may magawa, wala kang effect sa problema.

Para kang diversion: isang break, isang time-out, isang malaking facade.